Have you heard of the term secondary gains?

In the world of Psychology it means that there is something positive going on for you at a subconscious level that is keeping you stuck and is keeping the weight on.

You might be thinking, “there is nothing positive about me being overweight”.

“How is the weight a good thing? Didn’t you hear how miserable I am?”

If you weren’t getting something positive out of it, you’d be slim right now.

Excess weight is a safety issue.

There is something that’s unsafe about you about being slim, and it’s going on at the subconscious level meaning it’s out of your conscious awareness.

Have a think about you.

What good purpose is the weight serving in your life?

I see this play out regularly with women (examples below for single & coupled up) and it sounds a little something like this:

  • The weight serves a protection to keep men away and keep me safe
  • The weight keeps me away from intimacy with men
  • The weight keeps me safe from meeting men and then being rejected
  • The weight means I don’t have to be vulnerable, and I don’t do vulnerability
  • The weight keeps away unwanted attention from men that I can’t handle or control
  • The weight keeps me untested in life (work, relationships etc). I don’t have to take risks and put myself out there. This means that I can’t fail and I can’t disappoint myself
  • The weight keeps me safe because I don’t have the pressure to be perfect
  • The weight keeps me safe because I don’t have to stand up for myself and deal with conflict
  • The weight keeps me safe as I don’t have worry about getting (wanted) attention from men that’s not my husband because I will be wearing short skirts
  • The weight keeps me safe, because if I was slim I’d leave my husband or I don’t trust myself to be faithful.

What is it for you?

Step 1 is to go through this list and rate the level of intensity/discomfort you feel going through each of these statements.

This is a critical step as it’s acknowledging that your weight has nothing to do with food.  There is something deeper going on for you.

Step 2: Start to journal and learn more. Where did this come from?  What’s happened for you to have this secondary gain?  Be curious and learn more.

If you like what you’ve read please share this on Facebook as you don’t know how might need to hear these messages today 🙂